Funny JokesPosted by Fred Willis on Friday, September 02, 2022 2:37:00 PM
- What did the snail who was riding on the turtle's back say? Wheeeee!
- I was going to tell a time traveling joke, but you guys didn't like it.
- What do you call a lazy kangaroo? A pouch potato.
- I used to run a dating service for chickens, but I was struggling to make hens meet.
- Why do we tell actors to "break a leg?" Because every play has a cast.
- What does a pig put on dry skin? Oinkment.
- What do you call it when a snowman throws a tantrum? A meltdown.
- My uncle named his dogs Timex and Rolex. They're his watch dogs.
- Did you hear about the guy whose left side was cut off? He's all right now.
- How do you open a banana? With a mon-key.
- Which is faster, hot or cold? Hot, because you can catch cold.
- What did one plate say to the other plate? Dinner's on me.
- Why do oranges wear sunscreen? So they don't peel.
- My wife told me to stop acting like a flamingo, so I had to put my foot down.
- What do you call a pig that does karate? A pork chop.
- Where does Batman go to the bathroom? The batroom.
- What do you call a pony with a sore throat? A little horse.
- What did the left eye say to the right eye? Between you and me, something smells.
- What did the mama tomato say to the baby tomato? Catch up!
- Why didn't the melons get married? Because they cantaloupe.
- What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta.
- How did the pig get to the hogspital? In a hambulance.
- I'm so good at sleeping I can do it with my eyes closed!
- Why does Humpty Dumpty love autumn? Because he had a great fall.
- What happens when a strawberry gets run over crossing the street? Traffic jam.
- Why did the cow jump over the moon? The farmer had cold hands.
- A termite walks into a bar and says, "So, is the bar tender here?"
- How does an octopus go into battle? Well-armed.
- What do you call a pudgy psychic? A four-chin teller.
- What do you get when you mix a cocker spaniel, a poodle, and a ghost? A cocker-poodle boo.
- How do celebrities stay cool? They have many fans.
- What does a pickle say when he wants to play cards? "Dill me in!"
- How much money does a pirate pay for corn? A buccaneer.
- Where do young trees go to learn? Elementree school.
- Why do bees have sticky hair? Because they use a honeycomb.
- How did the student feel when he learned about electricity? Totally shocked.
- What do you call a bee that can't make up its mind? A Maybe.
- Why was six afraid of seven? Because 7-8-9.
- If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring? Pilgrims.
- I tried to catch fog yesterday. Mist.
- What do you call a hippie's wife? Mississippi.
- Two peanuts were walking down the street. One was a-salted.
- How can you tell it’s a dogwood tree? By the bark.
- What did the buffalo say when his kid went to college? Bison.
- What did the mayonnaise say when the refrigerator door was opened? Close the door, I'm dressing.
- What's the stinkiest planet? Poopiter.
- What did one wall say to the other? I'll meet you at the corner.
- Why don't sharks eat clowns? Because they taste funny.
- A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Why the long face?"
- What did the pirate say when he turned 80? Aye matey.
- What's black and white and goes round and round? A penguin in the washing machine.
- How do you organize a space party? You planet.
- Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself? It was two tired.
- Did you hear the rumor about butter? Well, I'm not going to spread it.
- Why did the student eat his homework? Because his teacher told him it was a piece of cake.
- What did one hat say to the other? You wait here, I'll go on ahead.
- What do you call a dinosaur that crashes his car? Tyrannosaurus Wrecks.
- I couldn't figure out why the baseball kept getting larger. Then it hit me.
- What do you call a boomerang that won’t come back? A stick.
- What did the full glass say to the empty glass? You look drunk.
- How do you stop a bull from charging? Cancel its credit card.
- Why don’t we see elephants hiding in trees? Because they’re really good at it.
- What’s the difference between a hippo and a zippo? One’s pretty heavy and the other’s a little lighter.
- Did you hear the one about the roof? Never mind, it's over your head.
- I used to hate facial hair...but then it grew on me.
- A cheese factory exploded in France. Da brie was everywhere.
- What's a ninja's favorite type of shoes? Sneakers.
- What's the best smelling insect? A deodor-ant.
- What do you call a bear without any teeth? A gummy bear.
- Why was the coach yelling at the vending machine? He wanted his quarter back.
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